


adventures at golden gaytime farm

by aelou, dualcolours



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Other, both Michael and amber are trans bay bee! please be respectful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelou/pseuds/aelou, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dualcolours/pseuds/dualcolours
Summary: Two best friends and also roommates may or may not have gotten themselves into a sticky situation. When Michael resigns from his most recent job and Amber cuts ties with most of their family, the duo finds themselves interested in Amber's inheritance: their grandfathers old farm house. With that in mind, the two head out to the small town of Pelican Town, but have no idea what's in store for them.





	1. fuck capitalism, said michael

Working for Jojocorp honestly _wasn’t_ the worst thing in the world.

 

It provided enough money, it had stable enough hours, and there wasn’t much overtime or short staffing. The work itself wasn’t even the hardest thing- it was easy once you were taught what to do.

Now, that didn’t mean Michael didn’t fucking hate it, of course. It was a routine- one he desperately longed to get out of. Every day, the same stupid work, the same stupid task to fulfill, the same end result, the same paycheck. Nothing was out of order- everything was perfectly the same.

He felt like a tiger pacing around in a zoo cage; waiting for his next meal, his next day, the next time he could sleep. When did he ever have time to himself?

He would come home, well, to his _shared_ home with his friend. Amber had been his roommate, but at the very least a not annoying one. That is, if you counted being up at 3 am and occasionally questioning the existence of aliens as not annoying if you too were riddled with the ever so often insomniac night. They were both tired- though he found that he was more than they ever happened to be with how they generally had some energy compared to him. Returning drained, it felt as though the only path he really had was that to his bed where he would fall over and rest if he could.

The only time he had to himself was spent thinking about when he could really get more time to himself. The weekend? Not really. That barely offered much- he would find himself in weekend shifts most of the time, and when not doing them, he found himself busy with trying to spend time with friends rather than stuck at home. What did he ever do alone that made _him_ happy? Nothing.

 **“Hey Michael, you out of it today?”** A voice brought him back to where he currently was, being that he was still sitting at a computer, typing away for another stupid article aimed at prepubescent teens to get their money and sell them stupid useless, wasteful consumer goods.

 **“Huh? Oh, sorry.”** He was quick to get back to work, quick because of a silent panic that lingered in his brain to remind him to do so at the sight of his boss. The soft hum of the keyboard of his computer as he typed away provided something to zone out quite easily to.

**“Look at you, mister hard worker. Make sure that report gets to me tonight, alright?”**

**“Uh-huh.”** His mindless response was more of him focusing on the fact his article was nearly done, that is, until he noticed the odd shaking of his desk. What on earth?

Stopping typing, he lifted his fingers over the keyboard, hearing the vibrating once more. Clearly it was coming from within the desk- but what the hell was it? Observing the vibrating once again, he reached for the handle of one of the cabinets, pulling it out to see his phone, the screen bright and alert with a message.

 

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _HEY_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _YOU CAN FINALLY QUIT YOUR JOB_

For a very brief moment in time, he forgot he had Amber saved as such, and questioned his naming within his phone system. After seeing the sequential message they had sent, he immediately recognized who it was, before scrolling through the rest of the chat.

 

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _DONT ASK WHY I KNOW THIS BUT_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN AN ENTIRE FARM HOUSE_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _do you want in or not you stupid cowboy fucker. I know you see my messages_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _you WILL reply to me, little man. I will kill you. That is not a threat, that is a promise._

 

Looking around briefly to see if anyone was looking at him, he snuck his phone out, typing out a message back to his roomie.

 

 **_Cowboy Baby:_ ** _jesus christ lol wtf_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _did you not read anything i just sent you son of a bitch_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _with the strength of ten crackheads i promise ill kill you_

 **_Cowboy Baby:_ ** _alright damn calm down ok so. wait. are you deadass about this_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _i’ve never been more serious in my entire life the farm’s town is pretty damn small and right next to the ocean so worse comes to worse we can just live right by the fucking shore and never have to succumb to capitalism again. Its free farmer real estate._

 

God, he wished they stopped quoting stupid jokes every two seconds.

 

 **_Cowboy Baby:_ ** _i mean. Shit dude. Are you sure???? Do we even have enough money? How the fuck did you get this house?_

 ** _Stupid Mineral Bitch:_** _worse come to worse i can steal from my parents we’ll be fine tho lol_ _  
_ **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_** _ill explain later how i got it lol but tldr; my grandpa was a farmer_

 **_Stupid Mineral Bitch:_ ** _quit your job and come with me to absolute bumblefuck. Do it_

 

Sighing, he lifted his head up from his phone, looking at the room around him. Did he want to get out of here? Yes. Desperately. The continued hum of keyboards around him bothered him- and it all seemed to be much worse with the sight of more people he had realized he recalled growing up with. These same people were _content_ with such a lifestyle?

These same people were just showing him what he would become if he didn’t do anything about it now. Succumbing to his desires, he stood up, logging out of the computer and grabbing his stuff. He typed quickly into his phone, before putting it away and leaving altogether.

 

 **_Cowboy Baby:_ ** _if you lied to me, im gonna fucking kill you_

 

**“Michael? Where are you going? Your break isn’t scheduled for another 3 hours.”**

He dodged the question his boss posed at him, staring at him in confusion. After all, he had been so obedient up until this point- what had drove him to go rogue? **“I’m taking my own. I’ve had enough.”**

**“What?”**

**“I quit. You can keep your fancy little desk and whatever. And,”** Michael added as he rounded the corner, reaching the front desk receptionist with his boss still trailing behind him, **“I’m taking all of these. Now kindly fuck off.”** He picked up the small bowl of mint lifesavers, unwrapping one and popping it into his mouth before heading over to the elevator of the building, pressing the button and waiting for the queue to get to the ground floor, take the bus back home and wait for Amber.

 

He had either just made the stupidest decision of his damn life, or the best. And for now, he couldn’t help but wonder if it had been the former.

  



	2. truth coming out of their well to shame transphobes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> amber hamide introduction! please note amber uses they/them pronouns and is bisexual. thankz

Amber Hamide had always dreamed of finally being out to their parents. To be out and comfortable not just with their family, but with the rest of the world. And yet, they knew they had to set realistic expectations for themselves.

They were a fresh out of college vet student that came from south asian descent, and knew that their parents would rather disown them than so much as respect their identity. 

Coming to terms with such wasn’t the hard part. It was still trying that posed its own problem. They had sat outside of their old family house, waiting for their father to get to the door.

**“Baba!”**

**“Amber! Peace be upon you child, what brings you back home from the city?”**

Her father seemed to go right for the kill, a nervous sweat creeping down Amber’s back.

**“Uh, I uhm, I wanted to talk to you about some things. Can I come inside?”**

“ **Of course.”** He stood to the side of the door he held open, watching as they entered with what appeared to be a look of confusion on his face.

**“Is Ama here?”**

**“No, it’s just me. Do you want me to call her?”**

That was a relief- they knew she would probably take this worse than he would, hopefully. Didn’t really help in the future of them having to eventually speak to her.

**“What’s on your mind, child?”**

**“Dad, you love me, right?”**

**“Of course. What’s wrong?”** He grew more and more suspicious as they spoke.

Their throat felt tighter for each moment they spoke. “ **No matter what?”**

“ **Child, you’re worrying me.”**

The words were hard to form, their teeth clenched as they struggled to speak. Stopping and inhaling, they let go of the tension- releasing their teeth, their fist that they didn’t even realize they had, before turning to look at their father. Their father, the one person who they were desperate to hope would still support them through this. It felt as though all at once, the words suddenly started pouring out.

**“Baba… I’m not a girl. I’m nonbinary- I don’t really identify with a gender.”**  
**“You’re a ...what?”** They don’t know what response they expected, but it wasn’t that.

**“I’m nonbinary, Baba- you know, a** **_hijra_ ** **.”** They offered a term he might be more familiar with- the term to use towards these people in their culture.

**“Is this a... joke? Are you okay? Is this because of some boy?”**

**“Baba, it’s not- it’s who I am.”**

**“You are a girl, my daughter.”**

**“I am not your daughter. I am your child, and only that. Please, Baba, I need you to respect that. You never did anything wrong raising me- you and ama, but this is just who I am. Nothing you do can change that.”**

**“...”** It felt as though his silence hurt more than his unacceptance. Was it out of ignorance, or was it out of apathy?  **“Is that all you came to talk to me about today?”**

**“I… I guess so.”**

His tone turned harsh quickly.  **“Then** **_get lost_ ** **.”**

**“Baba!”** It was a desperate plea with him, to try to get past his old tired shell and get the support of the father they saw him as.

**“Get lost! No child- no** **_daughter_ ** **of mine would say such nonsense. Get out and don’t come back. You’re not my child. You don’t belong to Hamide family either.”**

They struggled to form words- staring at him, holding a hand out- only for him to smack it away. He turned away from them, getting up and leaving for the kitchen of the house. It was as though he expected them to walk themselves out, and so they did. Hesitating as they held the door handle, they fiddled with it in their hand briefly before gritting their teeth again, letting out a heavy sigh. Pushing the handle open, they walked out of the small house, noting a car that had just parked in the driveway. Their mother.

She had just gotten out of her car, waving at her child.  **“Amber! It’s good to see you- wait, where are you going?”**

Without speaking, they went to their car, turning on the engine and pulling out of the driveway, not even so much as acknowledging their mother. Not like she’d take it any better than he did, especially with how often she would make transphobic jokes. 

When they got onto the road, they drove as though it was the only thing they had known. Avoiding the potholes of the road, speeding on long stretches of roads, it was all they could do anymore. What good had this gotten them? Their family had essentially disowned them at this rate, they only just graduated college and didn’t have a job just yet, and worse of all, they felt so… alone. What was the use of it all? What was the point of living in a world that barely respected your existence?

_ Woah, drop the existential crisis, would you?  _ They grimaced at their own thoughts, turning on the radio as they drove down the interstate, heading back home to the city.  _ By the time I get back, Michael will probably still be at work.  _ Michael Sterling had been their roommate and partner in crime, for the most part. The two didn’t hang out super often; they each had their own lives, but they still made time for the occasional friendly talk. That and they were the most supportive of each other and their identities. At least Amber had  _ someone  _ who respected them. That was something.

They hadn’t been paying attention to what was playing on the radio as they arrived home, parking in the public lot before walking to the apartment complex. Entering the building, they took the elevator up to the fourth floor, getting to room 4-2C. Rummaging through their pockets to find the key, it took them a solid 4 minutes to find it, before they of course remembered they had left a spare under the mat for both themselves and Michael.  _ Yoba Damn it. _

Grumbling and opening the door, Amber looked through the apartment, seeing the small old brown and white cat who had been licking his paw when they entered. 

**“Optimus. Nasty little man, aren’t you?”** Walking over to him, they lowered their hand to pet him, brushing him behind his ears as he purred gently, tilting his head. Pulling away, he kept his head tilted, looking at them in curiosity.

Amber entered their room, plummeting face first into the soft cushion of their bed.  _ Yoba.  _ Today had really been a day, huh?

_ VRRT!  _ Lifting their head up from the comforters, they looked at the sight of their phone. It was a call-  _ and it was from their mother.  _ Swiping left, they hung up as quick as possible, before flipping over their phone and groaning. 

**“Myah!”** Optimus had entered their room, prompting them to haul themselves onto the bed and look at him. The little tabby tom had been sitting at the doorframe of the room, before hopping onto their bed.

**“You trynna help me, little man?”** They smiled at him, watching as he provided a gentle headbut against their elbows before making his way to the side of their cramped room. Standing over a drawer, he reached down at one of the cabinets, pawing at it before yowling as he lost his balance, opening the cabinet completely and falling forward.

**“Optimus! You okay, bud?!”** Amber scooted forward, seeing him laying on his back in the cabinet gazing back up at them.

He stared for a bit longer before sneezing, getting up once more and reaching forward, Amber picking him up and placing him back on the bed.

**“You dumb little cat. Be careful next time, dummy!”** Scolding him, he only chirruped in response, hopping off the bed and heading out into the main room, before they noticed something that seemed to glimmer in the light of the room from the cabinet. What was that? “ **Hm?”** Amber reached forward, grabbing at the glittered ribbon and the envelop it had covered.

It was addressed to them, and in specific, appeared to be from their maternal grandfather who had passed away a while ago.

They had hesitated to open it, solely out of fear of not wanting to see what was inside. What had he given to them, of all his grandchildren? They barely recalled when they had first met him, for he had died so long ago when they were still in public school.

Holding the letter in the light, they noticed the glimmer of the ribbon once again, before carefully pulling it loose from the envelop and putting it down on the bed, examining the old, almost yellowed envelop before slipping a finger underneath the opening and tearing it horizontally, lifting the flap to uncover its contents.

It appeared to be just a small letter, yet something else appeared to be within with how heavy the envelope was. Reaching in again, they found a small key with another ribbon attached to it, before unfolding the envelope.

 

_ Dearest Amber, _

 

_ If you are reading this, the odds are I have passed away. Do not cry, for my life has been a content one. One of joys and of hardships, but a life well lived. But if you are reading this, I sense yours is not.  _

_ When the time has come for you to break away from society and become who you truly want to be, take this key and make your way to Pelican Town. The house is old, but it will serve you well. Remember, the world is yours for the taking. Take what you will, but take it only for yourself. _

 

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Nana [your grandfather] _

Their phone vibrated again as they finished reading, glaring at the phone and swiping left again. Maybe it was time to accept one part of their family. One long forgotten. 

Picking up their phone, they swiped through their contacts, finding their roommate Michael who was put in as “Michael Goldgreen Cowboy” and clicking on him, prompting up their phone conversation. Typing furiously into the phone, they realized the possibilities the two could have with this discovery. He hated his job, they wanted to get away, it was a perfect opportunity!

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ HEY _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ YOU CAN FINALLY QUIT YOUR JOB _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ DONT ASK WHY I KNOW THIS BUT _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN AN ENTIRE FARM HOUSE _

 

Despite acknowledging he was at work, they were peeved by his slow response, even more so when they saw he didn’t reply after finally just now reading them.

 

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ do you want in or not you stupid cowboy fucker. I know you see my messages _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ you WILL reply to me, little man. I will kill you. That is not a threat, that is a promise. _

 

Seeing the small grey bubble show up with three dots was a relief, knowing he was in fact typing back. 

 

**_Michael Goldgreen Cowboy:_ ** _ jesus christ lol wtf _

 

Nevermind, his reply sucked.

 

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ did you not read anything i just sent you son of a bitch _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ with the strength of ten crackheads i promise ill kill you _

**_Michael Goldgreen Cowboy:_ ** _ alright damn calm down ok so. wait. are you deadass about this _

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ i’ve never been more serious in my entire life the farm’s town is pretty damn small and right next to the ocean so worse comes to worse we can just live right by the fucking shore and never have to succumb to capitalism again. Its free farmer real estate. _ __   
  


They knew he wouldn’t appreciate their joke, but figured it include it regardless.   
  


**_Michael Goldgreen Cowboy:_** _i mean. Shit dude. Are you sure???? Do we even have enough money? How the fuck did you get this house?_ _  
_ _  
_ That made Amber stop for a bit to think. They had money, but was it enough to live out _there?_ It was such a drastic transition from city to essentially country, but would it be worth it? __  
  


 ** _Itsa me, Amber:_** _worse come to worse i can steal from my parents we’ll be fine tho lol_ _  
_**_Itsa me, Amber:_** _ill explain later how i got it lol but tldr; my grandpa was a farmer_

**_Itsa me, Amber:_ ** _ quit your job and come with me to absolute bumblefuck. Do it _

 

Sending him the final text, Amber flipped their phone over, seeing Optimus at the door of their room once more. This time, the tomcat yawned, staring at them attentively.

**“You ready for a new house, Optimus?”**

The tabby tom opened his little maw to respond.  **“Myaaah.”**

They appreciated how he would speak back to just about anything. Helped feel like they were actually socializing sometimes.  **“Too bad. Kitties don’t get to buy houses.”**

**“Mrp?”**

**“Okay, maybe some kitties.”**

_ VRRT!  _

Checking their phone again, Amber felt as though the weight of the world was taken off their shoulders at the final text from him they had just recived. 

 

**_Cowboy Baby:_ ** _ if you lied to me, im gonna fucking kill you. _

 

They had both made their choice, and now, they were going to live with it.

  
  



	3. crash landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> somedays you get a really drunk hungover woman as the bus driver to your new place and sometimes you crash an entire bus but its fine. go get some snzz

The two had spent the rest of the afternoon packing their bags, placing them quickly into their suitcases while Optimus watched on from the kitchen counter.

**“Got your toiletry bag ready?”**

Michael had been focused on putting away all his clothing, noteably making sure to include his boxers and his favorite shirts. However, he had now become distracted by what Amber was saying.  **“My** **_what?”_ **

**“Your bag to prevent you from smelling like Optimus’ breath!”**

**_“Myeh!”_ ** The small tabby seemed suspicious of what they were doing. Why were the big hairless cats putting their small changeable furs into strange containers?

**“Look at that, you’re bullying my son and me. Are you proud of that?”** Michael snorted, reaching his hand out to carefully tap his cat on the nose, who snorted in response.

Amber, on the other hand, felt themselves roll their eyes at him.  **“Like father like son. Come on, finish packing! We need to make it to the 8pm bus.”**

**“Yoba, Amber, I feel like that fucking scene in that one film… what’s it called… OH, Madagascar!”**

**“What scene?”**

**“The fucking uhhh one where the zebra is all “** **_start spreading the news,_ ** **”** Michael started yammering on, with Amber realizing what he meant as they placed the last of their clothes into the bag. Zipping it up, they began to sing along,

_ “ _ **_I’m leaving today!”_ **

**“Hell yeah! We really are doing this, huh?”**

Teasing him, they glanced at him with a curious raised brow.  **“You gonna unpack your clothes now? You gonna give up already?”**

**“No. I’m ready for this man- I’ve been ready for a long time.”**

**“Damn right you are! Now- pack up Optimus’ stuff. He’s gonna need it. You have a carrier, right?”**

**“Yeah, it’s in my cabinet. I’ll get it later.”**

**“No, I’ll get it.”** Getting up from the floor of the living room, Amber made their way to Michael’s room, finding the cabinet in particular he had stated and opening it, before taking out the dusty, and ever so folded fabric carrier for him. Shaking it once it was out, they hoped to get rid of the dust, though it seemed it might’ve just been colored that way as well. Unfolding it, they set it up once again, to hopefully hold the autobot-named bastard himself.

**“Got it! You done packing?”**

Once they returned to the main room, they watched as Michael zipped shut the suitcase.  **“Just about. Gotta pack the most important thing now. Optimus, here buddy.”**

**“** **_Mrr?”_ ** The tabby gazed on, distrustful of the sight of the carrier.

**“He’s not a big fan of it. You better have it held open, cause he’s gonna turn feral in just a second.”** Dismissing his fear, they opened the carrier regardless, holding the zip in one hand and the bag in another as to prepare to zip it shut when needed. Picking up his self proclaimed “son,” Michael grabbed him by the scruff before settling him in his arms like a baby, one hand underneath while one hand lingered by the scruff in case he decided to go zooming away. The tomcat looked around, uncertain, before realizing which direction he was going on, and started to claw into Michael’s shoulder.

**“Ah, he is a bastard.”** Michael only stated as he picked him by the scruff up, the cat now scrambling his frontpaws as to try to reach him, only to be placed bottom first into the carrier. Quickly zipping it closed, Amber was bemused by his sudden cries as though he was being brutally maimed, depsite just sitting in his comfy little carrier.

**_“Wrooooow!”_ **

_ “ _ **Relax, primus. You’ll be fine. It’s just for a few hours.”**

**“Two.”**

**“It’s just for two hours.”**

**“** **_Wraaaah!”_ ** It appeared time was relative for the cat, who still was plagued by distress and unhappiness within the cloth.

**“Let him out. Let him out!”** Michael joked, though Amber merely rolled their eyes at him.

**“Come on, we’ve gotta grab these bags and head out. The bus is-** **_oh shit-_ ** **we have a half hour to get to the station!”**

**“Wait, what happened to your car?”**

**“It’s not really mine- it was bought under my parents name. I told them they can pick it up from the parking lot.”**

**“I guess things didn’t work out with them, huh?”**

**“...I don’t want to talk about it.”**

**“That’s fine. I’m here if you ever want to, alright? Let’s talk about your grandfather though. Remind me, when were you ever going to tell me you had a farmer grandpa?”**

**“** **_Eventually_ ** **! Come on, let’s focus on getting there before I tell you about him.”**

The now almost empty, save for the furniture, apartment was left behind as the two walked out, heading to the elevator while impatiently tapping their foot against the ground.  _ Yoba, were these elevators always this slow? _

Despite the delay with the slow elevators, the two made their way downstairs, dragging their bags and a certain cat with them through the town as they headed for the local bus stop.

The bus stop itself, however, was awfully rackety looking- quite shoddy indeed. The building had rusted signs and poles, and seemed as though it hadn’t been tended to in years. Was this place… even still in business?

It seemed to be, as the guy behind the small counter woke up from his nap, staring at them. Making their way over to the sleep deprived worker, Amber slid their debit card under the glass panel, before saying, “ **Two tickets to Pelican Town, please.”**

**“Need a two way ticket?”**

“ **No. One way for both.”**

**“I see. It’s a nice town- I’m sure city folk like you two will like it.”** His simple chatter was boring, but it still helped feed the hope that Amber had in the choice they had managed to make. Grabbing their card back along with the two tickets, they walked back over to Michael, who sat on a rusted bench besides the bags. He had been preoccupied with wiggling his finger near Optimus, who merely ignored him, turning around in the little carrier.

**“Here’s your ticket, Michael.”** Sitting down next to him, they sighed, taking out their phone.

**“Amber?”**

**“Hm?”**

**“Is this a good idea?”**

Amber found themselves observing the ceiling of the small waiting area, noting a gap that a pair of swallows appeared to be using to make a nest in.  **“What, this bus stop? Absolutely not, it looks like a hot mess.”**

**“** **_No-_ ** **I mean, yeah, you’re right, I feel like I’ll see a rat soon enough- but I meant what we’re doing.”** Michael sighed, though held a weak smile as he looked around while finishing his statement.

Before Amber could provide a response, a honk rippled out. Turning to face the source of the sudden commotion, the duo saw the grey and blue bus drive into the small station, arriving somewhat early. The honk of it was urgent- as though they were late, despite them being more than on time. What was the sudden rush? And why did the bus have a noticeable amount of dents in the front of it?

Getting out of the bus was a rather unstable old woman, who appeared to be a bit unbalanced. She looked around the station before locking eyes with the two, squinting at them. 

**“You folks comin’ to Pelican Town?”** Her words were slurred and fast, loud and yet inaudible at the same time.

**“Uh, y-yes?”** Michael spoke up, Amber staring on with a bit of distaste within their observation of the woman. Did… they really want her driving the bus? Turning to look back at the station, they noticed the nice man at the counter had already fallen asleep again. Maybe she was better than a possible narcoleptic. 

**“Well go on ahead, put your stuff in.”** She coughed, raising an arm to wipe her face before turning back and getting into the bus, the small door still open. Grabbing the two suitcases, Amber carried them over to the door and lifted them in one at a time, with Michael grabbing Optimus’s carrier and handling it as carefully as he could through the entrance.

It was odd for her to not offer any help- but perhaps that was the cityslicker in Amber thinking such. Still, the two sat in the bus in the middle of it, though noted the lack of any other passengers. It seemed they were the last ones for the night. 

The setting sun shone outside of the windows, with the driver closing the doors as they had gotten themselves situated. Giving the station one last unfocused glance, the driver put the bus in drive, heading out to the main roads. Driving through the city was interesting knowing that they wouldn’t come back. Yet it felt so strange; What if this place wasn’t anything at all like they expected? What if it was worse than their lives in the city?  _ Was that even possible? _

**“Myeh...”** Optimus cried out, staring at the two drowsy people in front of him.

**“Yeah bud, it’s a long drive, but we’ll be fine.”** Michael offered words of support, staring down at the carrier he held him in that rested on his lap.

Taking the interstate out of the city, the drive was generally pretty relaxed: the sight of changing surroundings from cities to less populated suburban areas to what seemed to be untouched forests was unique. It was also a sight Amber realized they’d need to adapt to as being the norm within such a rural area. Seeing a pair of eyes within the forests, Amber began to feel questions form within their head. Was it safe to bring Optimus with them? Would there be wild animals where they went? Would anything try to kill them? Maybe not the best things to think about when you’re going to a place you haven’t been to since you were like, 5.

Leaning back in the hard plastic chair, Amber felt themselves closing their eyes, before zoning out. The world around them went dark, and with it, they found the comfort of sleep.

Michael, not so much.

He had been suspicious of how the driver of the bus behaved earlier, and it seemed an hour into the drive with Amber passed out, he felt even more on edge. The driving was awkward and heavily leaning towards driving in the middle of the road than in the center. It didn’t help the situation when the road to the countryside narrowed further, being a one way two lane road, yet she was driving in almost the left lane in the face of possible incoming traffic. What the  _ hell  _ was she doing?

**“Excuse me? Are you alright, miss?”** He was out of his seat by this point, standing while holding onto a nearby pole as he approached the driver. Groggily, she snapped back into focus, snapping at him as well.

**“WHA? What? I’m fine! I’m the professional here, kid.”** She bit back, before noting the car that was incoming and immediately skewing the bus towards the right lane. The suitcases, though stored safely, moved around a bit, while Amber happened to snap awake.

**“Wha- Michael, what’s going on?”**

“ **Miss, you need to tell your friend here to sit down.”**

Choking down the misgendering they had to expect, they were about to speak before their friend spoke instead. **“Amber, she’s driving like a maniac! We-** **_You_ ** **could’ve hit that car!”**

**“But I didn’t, so watch it, punk!”** To this, the driver now waved a hand at him, shooing him away with whatever means possible. However, she ended this statement with a hiccup, of which only seemed to enrage Michael further.

**“Hold the fuck up, are you** **_drunk,_ ** **Miss-”** He hesitate, looking at her shirt to note the name tag that read, “PAM” in black lettering over a white oval, “ **Pam?”**

Merely watching in horror as the scene broke out in front of them, Amber grimaced as another vehicle drove by, honking loudly at the intoxicated driver for being in their lane.

**“She’s going to get us killed!”**

**“** **_SIT DOWN!”_ ** Pam shouted, but before she could do anything, Michael grabbed the steering wheel, tilting it back to the right lane where the bus was supposed to be.

**“Michael!”** Amber wasn’t sure what to do, and this  _ really _ did not help the stress they had tried to sleep off.

Going through another few roads of Michael trying to keep the wheel on the right way while Pam pulled away, the bus had seemingly gotten close to the town, with the last sign saying it was about a quarter mile away. This time, Pam had finally stolen the wheel back to herself, pushing Michael off of it and driving. That is, nearly into another car once more. Reacting as quick as he could, Michael grabbed the steering wheel, turning it once more, though this time a bit too far. Heading forward, the bus continued to do so as Pam struggled to hit the break before the bus came to a sudden stop after having collided with a tree.

**“** ** _LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE, YOU DUMBASS!”_** Pam spat, getting out of the vehicle after opening the doors. Amber gazed on in suspense, only to sigh at the fact the driver instead of examining the damage had to go out into the forest and presumably vomit given the horrendous noise.

**“Good way to get to our new lives. Definitely helps me feel more confident.”**

**“Let’s go in and just go straight to bed. I want to forget this night in its entirety.”**

Getting off the bus with their bags, the two awkwardly left Pam and her now smoking from the front bus to their own devices, going off through the small cobble path down the roads that Amber said led to their houses. Before they could get there however, they were intercepted by an old greyed man with a brown beret. 

**“It seems you two are the guests I’ve been expecting, eh?”**

**“Mister Lewis!”** Amber blurted out, staring at the older figure before them. Despite sending him an email in advance, they still found it surprising he had genuinely shown up to show them to their new house. Old house? Old New house.  _ Middle aged house. _

**“Amber, right? Amber Hamide- grandchild of Moustaf Hamide? And I presume that’s your friend, what was it, Michael Sterling, yes?”**

**“Y-yes, that’s right.”**

**“Yessir.”**

**“It’s been a long time since you’ve shown yourself around here, you know. The town has changed a great deal since you’ve last visited, but we can show you both later. I’m guessing you had an… interesting arrival?”** Mayor Lewis’ eyebrow rose at the faint hint of smoke in the distance, a nervous glance exchanged between Amber and Michael.

**“Perhaps.”** Michaels’ response was coy.

**“Let’s get you two well rested for tomorrow, then I’ll show you around town. Come along then.”** Waving them forward, he led the way through the path to the supposed farm of their dreams.

The field before it was a roughened, weed ridden mess, with large trees sprouting here and there while noticeable boulders seemed to dot the ground as well. The house itself was the most miserable yet quaint little thing Amber had ever seen. Despite how old and worn it was, the building still stood strong, and was still quite cute. Yet it looked hideous with signs of weathering and continued decay, even in the light of the slowly rising moon.

As the door was unlocked by a key that Mayor Lewis had, the buildings interior wasn’t as badly worn down- it actually looked untouched by the elements. It had a small couch that probably needed dusting, and a decent enough bed to sleep on. But it was also  _ one  _ bed.

**“It’s not much, but your grandfather told me to keep it until the day you would come back.”** Handing the keys to Amber, Mayor Lewis found himself looking around the house himself, though not as eagerly as Amber and Michael did.

**“It’s a bit of a fixer upper, but we can do that. Right, Optimus?”**

By this point, the cat had been long asleep, and only a continued snore responded to Michael’s question.

**“It’s perfect. Thank you, Mayor Lewis, for keeping it in such good care.”**

**“Of course. Good night, and welcome to Pelican Town. I’ll see you both at 8am sharp to show you around town, got it?”**

The two provided a mumbled response as Michael heaved himself over the couch, while Amber plunged headfirst into the bed. Tonight was their first night on their own. Tomorrow, their new lives awaited them.

That is, if they managed to wake up in time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 gay farm idiots set their sights on trying to slowly meet everyone in town, including two people who strike their eyes in different ways.

_Beep Beep! Beep Beep! Beep Beep!_ _  
_ Groaning, Michael got up from his spot on the couch, grabbing his phone and swiping right on his alarm.

Another day, another miserable time at work-  _ wait, I don’t have a job anymore.  _ Well, that was one less thing to worry about. Staring around at the room before him, he realized just where he truly was. The room was dark, dully lit aside from whatever light could seep in from the dusty blinds. Sitting upright, he looked around, seeing a little silhouette run through the room, immediately chirruping.

**“** **_Myah!”_ ** __ This was normally the time that Michael would be running out the 

door, feeding Optimus right before he left. For now, it seemed as though only the latter of that would be made true, as he got up and groggily made his way over to the bag in which he had packed most of their stuff for their new house in.  _ New house, huh?  _ The place was much older than he had expected, but he did have to give it some credit: it was awfully well kept for its age.

Despite whatever care was given to the house, as Michael walked across the room to get to the pantry he felt as though he heard an orchestra of squeaking from the rustic floorboards. Disregarding it, he continued to walk to the kitchen, opening his suitcase he had left unpacked. He should probably work on unpacking it now, huh.

Reaching his hand in, he fished around the bag to find the hard metallic cans he had placed the night before within. Taking it out, Optimus grew even more eager and chirped at the sight. With the click of the can, it was opened and then left on the countertop as Michael realized he had yet to take out the food bowl for his cat. Oops.

**“Myeh!”** Optimus complained at the waft he got of his own food, being unable to reach it from where he stood.

**“Yeah yeah, hold your horses.”** Searching around the bag once more, he took out the hard plastic red, white, and blue decorated cat bowl he had gotten for Optimus. Now dumping the can into the bowl, he put it down for Optimus to eat, who began to do so with a chirrup in between bites. 

**“Jeez, you’re up early.”** Amber stood drowsily down the hall, a hand raised to their eye to rub at it. 

**“Forgot to turn my alarm off.”**

**“** **_Smart_ ** **.”** Amber teased, only for both of them to go silent at a rapping at the door.

_Knock-knock._ _  
_**“Amber? Michael, are you two ready to see the town?”** Ah hell, it was old man Mayor Lewis.

**“Uh, give us like five minutes!”** Amber dashed back to their room, Michael rolling his eyes as he closed the zipper of the bag, now opening another compartment of his suitcase. Fully unzipping it, he took out his clothes and quickly selected an outfit, leaving the rest of them on his suitcase. 

**“Amber, I’m gonna use the bathroom to change.”**

“ **If I have to pee and you’re still in there I’ll kill you.”**

**“Fair.”** Michael turned the knob of the old wooden door and entered the bathroom, surprised by the pine scent but figuring nothing of it, locking it behind him. Changing into his new attire and also brushing his teeth now, he washed his face and left the bathroom, noting Amber’s door to still be closed.

Now it was his turn to be the annoying one.  **“Are** **_you_ ** **still getting ready?”**

**“Shut! Up!”** He scoffed at their response, heading to the front door.

**“Come in, Mr. Mayor, we’re just waiting on Amber right now.”**

**“Oh, thank you Michael. My, you have a cat?”** Mayor Lewis entered the house, noting the cat that ran past him immediately to head to Amber’s room. A scratching at the door led to a frustrated Amber finally opening it, staring at the furred goblin in front of them before scooping him up in their arms, holding him like a baby as they entered the main room.

**“Sorry, my hair takes so long to brush out.”**

**“No worries. Alright, are you both ready now?”**

Putting down Optimus, Amber checked that they had their phone in their pocket before nodding firmly.  **“Yeah.”**

“ **Yep. Lead the way, sir.”** Michael was much more formal in tone- perhaps it was just something he was used to because of how he had to regard his higher-ups at Jojo corp.

Leading them out of the house, Mayor Lewis made his way through the entrance of their new estate to slowly bring them to town. As they passed the exit, they saw the truck from last night with a still smushed in front. Yikes. Exchanging a silent look, the two merely continued to follow after the Mayor.

Entering the plaza, the town before them was much brighter and bigger than they expected it to be. A few of the residents were up and doing their daily rituals, some of them looking at the duo and whispering amongst each other.  _ Please don’t be spreading rumors already. Please also don’t think I’m with Michael.  _ Amber kept their thoughts to themselves, but still held them within. 

**“This is our town, and this is where our local grocer and hospital are. This store here is Pierre’s, where you can buy just about everything you need except on wednesdays.”**

**“...Wednesdays?”** Michael quipped, surprised by the odd placement.

**“Yes. There is of course Joja mart that you could go to if you wanted, but it’s much more expensive.”** Lewis gestured weakly to the store across the river, the bright blue of Joja almost blinding in the summer sun.

**“** **_Yeesh_ ** **. Pass.”** Amber could understand why he wouldn’t want anything to do with the store, especially with quitting the brand a while ago.

**“To our right is the saloon, which is much more lively at night. Across the river is the blacksmith, and down south is the beach. Now, I can’t introduce you to everyone, so that’s up to you to go out there and meet everyone. I’m sure they’re all excited to meet you.”** Lewis smiled, before making his way south.

**“Over here is my house. If you need anything, let me know.”** With that, he seemed to be prompting them to go on and explore the town on their own. 

**“Alright, you go be the social butterfly you are and I’m going to buy us groceries and perhaps some seeds.”**

**“What? Me, able to speak to other adults? What the hell are you on? I’d rather tag along with you.”**

“ **I don’t know if that’s meant to be a joke about me not being an adult, but whatever.”** Amber shrugged, heading over to the store. Hopefully it wouldn’t require much other than buying something and being done with it. 

Entering the store, a small bell jingled above, attached to the joint and notifying the store owner of their presence. It didn’t help that it seemed as though everyone in the store stared at them for a minute, before going back to their activities.  _ This is nerve wracking, what the hell. I just came here to buy some food _

Uncomfortable, Amber looked across the aisles and tried to figure out just what they needed to buy to make the duo some kind of meal since at this rate they’d be skipping breakfast for today. Michael busied himself by grabbing necessities- cleaning products, some spare utensils just in case the houses’ set were too old to use, cat food- all while Amber observed the produce section. 

_ This town really prides themselves on being self productive, hm?  _ They found themselves surprised at the amount of what appeared to be fresh vegetables and fruits, all most likely grown here. Seeing a small carton of eggs, they placed that at the top of their basket, while getting a bunch of other things. Not really noticing much besides what they were grabbing at, Amber had completely disregarded the purple-haired girl to their right.

**“So you’re the new farmer, huh?”** The question was shot at Amber, who barely processed it as they were instead startled, nearly dropping the eggs that this other girl helped catch.

**“Woah now, you break ‘em you pay for ‘em!”** Amber shifted uncomfortably at that, though the other girl seemed to notice and quickly put them back in their cart.” **Hah, sorry to catch you off guard like that. I’m Abigail, your name is?”**

**“Uh- Amber. Amber Hamide. My grandpa was the one who uh, used to live here.”** _ Yeah, use the dead man as your introduction statement, yeah! Good socialization skills, yeah!  _ Amber would jump off a bridge at this point in time if given the option.

**“Huh?** **You live in that old house? Oh that's right...I heard someone new was moving onto that old farm. It's kind of a shame, really. I always enjoyed exploring those overgrown fields by myself.”**

Whatever socialization skills Amber thought they lacked, they wondered if this stranger even had any to begin with.

**“Ah. Uh, sorry? I’m gonna. Go buy this now. Thanks.”** Amber struggled out, slowly shimmy-ing over to the counter and looking around for Michael, who saw them and was heading to the register.  _ That was weird.  _ They didn’t really bother with it for now, they just wanted to get stuff to eat and set themselves up in their weird little house.

**“Who were you chatting up?”** Michael asked as the man behind the register began to type in the items, a surprise for Amber who was far too used to having things be scanned rather promptly.

**“No idea.”** Amber murmured, shrugging it off.

**“You two are the new farmers, right? It’s a pleasure to meet you both. My name’s Pierre, and I’m glad to be of assistance for any of your purchased needs.”** The cashier smiled, a middle-aged man who seemed genuine enough.  **“I see you’ve met my daughter, Abigail. I’m sure you’ll find many of the people here around your age are just as nice- it’s a quaint little town.”** Having typed in the last item, he then punched in the machine and turned to the two.

**“Cash or credit?”**

**“Debit, actually. Do you, uh, take that here?”** Amber asked, taking out their small card out of their phone wallet and staring at it nervously. Besides the cancelled credit cards that belonged to their parents and were now worthless, they didn’t really have much else to use.

**“Of course. With a minor transaction fee, if that’s alright?”** That wasn’t a surprise. At least he took card to begin with.

**“Yeah, whatever.”**

**“Can’t believe you were talking to the shopkeep’s daughter.”**

**“Shopkeep? What, do we live in Skyrim?”**

**“Stop, you have violated the law!”**

**“Ough, you make me regret being here. Maybe I should’ve stayed in the city after all.”**

**“Har-har. This place is nice though, right?”** Michael asked, still looking around the store.

Despite the uncomfortability of a new setting, Amber couldn’t help but agree.  **“Yeah. It is.”**

**“Here you are! Sorry about that, we don’t get card too often here and it’s a bit of a pain. We do have an ATM at the front for next time, if you’d prefer that!”** Lifting the now bagged groceries up, Pierre handed back the card and the bag of goods to the two. Each of them took a few bags, with Amber grabbing their card.

**“Sure.”** Amber absentmindedly began walking, while Michael felt himself repeat what he normally said to customers, adding a,  **“Have a nice day,”** out of politeness. They were out the door by the time Pierre responded, and MIchael wondered why he had still been running on autopilot. He had quit already, why was it this hard to break off of the routine he was stuck on?

Amber, of course, caught what he had said.  **“Have a nice day looking headass.”**

**“Hey, leave me alone, capitalism consumed my brain and now I’ve got two brain cells. One is focused on my cat, the other is focused on how I really could down an entire gallon of soda right now.”**

**“There wasn’t any soda there?”**

**“No. Shit, I don’t really want to go, but I guess I’m gonna head over to the Jojamart just to get a soda.”**

**“Eugh. Good luck with that.”** Taking the rest of the bags from him, Amber figured they were going to split up.  **“I’ll meet you back at the house then.”**

“ **Yeah. See you there.”** He waved them off, headed towards the shop down the bridge.

Michael finally had time to himself, which… was really  _ weird.  _ He felt odd not being busy doing something,  _ anything _ , so he had begun to give himself tasks for right now. It was like a quest objective went off in his brain, telling him to go get soda for now. Afterwards, he hoped to busy himself still with working on fixing the house, though he had to get home first. 

Walking across the small brick bridge that ran over the small stream through town, he wondered if there were any frogs there. He could find out later, he supposed. Making his way over to the horrid trademarked Joja-blue building, he stared at the entrance, uncertain if he really wanted to enter.

_ Gurgle.  _ The rumbling of his stomach told him elsewise, almost forcing him through the automatic door. 

The store smelled like bleach and lime, cleaned far too many times as everything looked polished and yet everything looked blindingly shiny. Yeesh. Why did a small town like this have such a big annoying corporation store like this? It almost felt like an insult to all the work the farmers did here.

**“Welcome, welcome. You will find all that you need at Jojamart. If you need any assistance, feel free to ask any of our hard workers.”** A stout man with a nametag that read “Morris” sat at the front desk, of which Michael meekly nodded at before making his way over to the labelled soda aisle. The last thing he wanted to do was bother a worker, especially a worker from the same Yoba-forsaken corporation he used to work with. Staring at the array of rainbow flavored sugar drinks, he hesitated before finding a brand he was actually familiar with: Conk soda. It was supremely better than the Joja cola he was offered at work, and especially tasted better in soda cakes and such. It was stupid, but it was at least something to treat himself with throughout this whole mess of moving and quitting his job.

Reaching for it, he grabbed the can and examined it, putting it back as he realized it wasn’t the flavor he preferred. Staring at the aisle intently, he found the flavors he actually enjoyed, and reached out to get it. That is, unaware of another hand reaching to grab that same soda.

**“Uh, sorry, I-”** He pulled his hand away, staring at who had reached for it and - _ Oh my Yoba who the heck is this guy, holy shit.  _ He felt his face redden immediately at the sight of the man in a joja outfit beside him, having a pallet of soda on the ground. 

**“...Can I help you?”** The worker stared at him, bags under his eyes and a stern, yet tired look at the farmer.

_ Oh, you could help me big time.  _ **“No, thank you though!”** Gotta keep those intrusive thoughts in check. Don’t start freakin’ out over some really handsome dude you just met. Please be normal for two seconds, brain.  _ But he’s pretty.  _ Yes, and you just got here. Relax. Michael found himself fighting his own thoughts and grabbing a different can instead, before running out of the aisle, not without waving to the worker first. As he left, he quickly realized-  _ shit, did I catch his name? He lives around here, right? I can find his name again later. Why didn’t I read his nametag. Shit. Shit. Shit!  _ He didn’t even notice the “wet floor” sign and nearly slipped as he made his way to the cashier, forking out a bill to hand to the lady behind the register before grabbing his can and heading out. 

Exiting the building, he felt like throwing himself into the sun, but figured that for now he’d just have to report back to Amber. He supposed he had lied earlier- he had  _ three  _ braincells, one focusing on his cat, the other focusing on his soda, while the third one focused on realizing that oh boy, he was  _ really  _ gay for the worker at Jojamart. 

By the time Michael had finally gotten back home, it was about the afternoon in the day. Getting to the door, he knocked for a minute before Amber opened it, and Optimus ran to his feet.

**“Hey little buddy,”** He smiled as he ran a hand along his cats back, before noting Amber furiously cooking in the kitchen, a smell of spices in the air.

**“Took you long enough.”**

**“Listen, I’m gay, what do you want from me?”**

**“Whatever, you dweeb. Did you get your soda?”** They lifted the spoon of what appeared to be fried rice to their mouth, taking a bite before adding more of some reddish brown sauce.

The sauce seemed to worry Michael.  **“Yeah. Hey, you do also know I’m white, right? That shit better not kill me.”**

**“If it won’t, I promise you I will.”** Amber laughed, before realizing.  **“Wait. You don’t announce you’re gay unless you have another crush on someone. Oh my Yoba,** **_Michael_ ** **!”** They turned to face him, shouting at their sudden epiphany.

**“LISTEN, Don’t yell at me just yet, he’s really handsome and-”**

**“We** **_JUST_ ** **got into TOWN, MICHAEL!”**

**“And? Just because you’re a coward doesn’t mean I am.”** He held a cocky grin, sitting down on the couch in the living room.

**“Yoba, you are the worst. Alright, tell me about him. What’s his name?”** Shaking their head, they turned back to the stove and turned the fire down to low before walking over to the half-wall in the kitchen. 

**“Soooo, about that,”**

**“MICHAEL YOU CAN’T BE HORNY FOR A DUDE WHO YOU DON’T KNOW THE NAME OF!”** Amber griped, raising a palm to their face.  _ How  _ did this man live like this?

**“LOOK I FORGOT TO CHECK HIS NAMETAG BUT I SWEAR IT STARTED WITH AN S.”**

**“Ah. That helps** **_so_ ** **much.”**

**“I’m sure there’s not that many people in this town with a name that starts with S.”**

**“Actually, there’s a few. There’s Sam, Sebastian, and -”**

**“Wait, why do you know people’s names already? You only talked to like two people.”**

This flustered Amber.  **“I- uh, - I asked the Mayor.”**

**“Loser!”**

**“Shut up! I’m not the one getting feelings for a dude I just met!”**

**“It’s a top thing, you wouldn’t understand.”**

**“Ough, you make me want to drink, and I can’t even do that.”**

**“Speaking of which, unlike you I can and will indulge in the shit horrid drinks. How about we head over to the Saloon to meet some more of the folk? I’m sure it’d be less tense than it was at the store.”**

Sighing, Amber walked back over to the pot and turned off the fire.  **“Sure. Maybe you’ll find your mans again too. But first, let’s eat lunch and try to clear up the field first, okay?”**

**“Gotcha. Bring on the chow!”**


	5. Just like a real farming sim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> micheal: im organized! amber: you literally wash your clothes and wreath them from the basket because you don't hang them up

    **“Alright, farm time, baby!”** Micheal placed the dishes in the sink, Amber having packed away any leftovers for Micheal to no doubt mindlessly munch on later. He wandered over to the door in the meanwhile, joined by a very loud Optimus moments later.

**“Scoot scoot ya boot boot, Optimus, you’re not going’ out anytime soon!”** Micheal attempted to shoo the brown-and-white cat, who continued to wiggle around his legs as he tried to escape outside.

   **“Myaah! Myeh! Mmmnoowww!”** Optimus continued his displeased howling as Micheal scooped up the cat and gestured Amber outside. Quickly Micheal followed, and they could both just barely see his incredibly outrated kitty face before Micheal slammed the door shut.

   **“Little bastard baby boy.”** Micheal stuck his tongue outat the door, and Amber could faintly hear a furious meow before Optimus hualed himself up to a windowsill, staring at the two free farmers with a betrayed look on his round little face.

**“Free him. Free him!”** Amber chanted as they followed Micheal towards a small shed on the side of the house.

**“I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”** Micheal chanted back, covering his ears with his hands but leaving his middle fingers extended. They stood there for several moments, Optimus having followed them to the closest window and adding his muffled input into the chaos. 

    Already bored, Amber jammed Micheal in the side and scooted around him to fiddle with the door. Micheal squawked and rubbed his side, and returned the favour by kicking Amber in the **shins.**

**“Micheal, I will rearrange your spinal cord with your shinbones.”** Amber yanked the door open with a screech, and Micheal shuddered, **“That’s fucking horrifying! I hate it.”** He said as he stepped inside the shed and immeditely exited again, sneezing repeatedly.

  **“Fuck! I am under attack!”** Micheal wheezed mid-sneeze, Amber muttering a **“Press F…”** under their breath before peeking inside the shed. After a few more moments spent sneezing, Micheal joined them.

**“Watering cans- two of them, that’s good! Axes, shovels… pickaxes?”** Micheal listed off what he saw as he stepped deeper in, Amber looking on the other side of the shed.  
     **“Oh fuck, can we minecraft on this farm? Let’s summon the enderdragon,”** Amber joked as Micheal inspected one of the old pickaxes, and continued to look around. **“Oh fuck, here’s the real shit. Can I offer you one copper hoe in your time of farmer?”** Amber pulled a hoe off the wall, presenting it to Micheal like an ancient sword.  
    Micheal took it and raised it above his head, **“By the power of Gayskull!”** , and flipped his short hair dramatically, **“I! Am! A! Top!!”** Amber snorted, and Micheal faked an overly offended look, putting his free hand to his chest.

**“I’m going to be real with you here, literally no one who insists they’re a top is a top,”** Amber shook a packet of dusty seeds probably as old as they were, and Micheal sneezed in response. **“Let’s get out of here before you sneeze what few braincells you have loose,”** Amber said, grabbing the boxful before leaving.

**“I have three now, thank you,”** Micheal replied, grabbing the second hoe and the two watering cans. They placed the supplies on the porch, looking at the mess in front of them. Broken branchs, trees, weeds, and piles of stones littered the front. **“How the fuck are we going to do this shit. Punch trees? Is cobblestone even a thing?”** Amber asked, gesturing at the clusterfuck of debris in front of them.

**“Well. Let’s just start cleaning up I guess- you want an axe or pickaxe?”** Micheal shrugged before returning to the shed and exiting with one of each. Amber made grabby-hands at the pickaxe, but Micheal held tight to it.

**“Give me the pickaxe, bastard boy. Bane of my existence. Every second you test my patience, and I am no doctor.”**

**“Use your nice words!”**

**“Giveth thine pickaxe, ye olden bitchard.”**

   **“I don’t think you’re using any of those words right, Amber,”** Micheal snorted but handed over the pickaxe regardless. Surprised at how the pickaxe actually felt heavy in their arms, Amber moved over to a pile of stones by a small pond.

   **“Let’s just clear a small area today, big enough to start building a place for a few crops- that way we can have things growing already while we clear more,”** Micheal suggested, leaving the axe on the porch for the time being, instead choosing to start by hauling away any fallen branches to a pile. 

   **“That’s awfully organized for someone who literally never hangs up their clothes and instead just leaves in the laundry basket,”** Amber replied, breaking the rocks down to throw into a pile nearby as well. Micheal threw a stick at them, though it missed horribly and landed in the pond instead, floating away.  
 

  **“Amber, shamer of all things Micheal, we literally ran a group together a few years ago. I had lists and folders for everything- I tracked characters, sorted mod correspondence- I am beyond picky and neat in everything BUT my personal life.”** Micheal threw a few more branches on the pile, **“I’m already sorting out how we’ll set up the plants- it’ll take a while, but I think by next spring at the latest I’ll have the perfect watering set up for minimal effort on our part.”**

    Amber wandered back to the shed as he spoke, returning moments later with a creaky wheelbarrow, and began loading the broken rock pieces into it. **“I mean yes, but you bitched endlessly about it. And it’s barely spring now, how long can it take to set up a good farming area?”**

    There was a moment of silence and Amber could sense that it was simply for Micheal to begin loading his decade-long ramble about his plan.

  **“So the idea is this, first we carve out a small area to start, and then while we have spring plants growing, we continue clearing things out…”**

**“…And obviously we’ll probably plant the seeds based on how they grow, it’s fine if they mix but we don’t want them starving the other plants…”**

**“….Scarecrows will be needed too! I know you are the master of crows, but they will eat all our crops. We’ll set up a little thing for them to eat from, so they will be our friends…”**

**“….When summer comes, we’ll hopefully be able to expand more, but we’re still watering by hand so maybe not so much, but hopefully we’ll have bought at least one little sprinkler by then…”**

**“….Fall of course, is pumpkin city. If we don’t grow pumpkins to carve, I will go on strike, and that’s half the staff, so if that happens?”**

    Amber looked up at Micheal, who made a chef-kiss gesture, **“Nous sommes très fucked.”**

   **“What?”**

**“We are very fucked.** ”

**“I’m amazed and impressed that you ended your endless ted talk about your farming strategy with the sentence ‘We are very fucked’.”** Micheal grinned at them before stepping back to the porch.

  **“We’ve actually done a good amount of clearing, home-dog.”** Micheal looked around at the area- rocks had been piled against the house near where Micheal had piled the sticks and eventually the small trees he had begun to cut down.

    Amber wiped their face, and squinted at the sky, **“I zoned the fuck out during all that, man we were out here for fucking ever. It’s getting late, and I’m sweaty. You’re stinky. Stinky little man.”** Amber poked him in the side, Micheal trying to arch away from his friend. **“Let’s shower and put on some clothes that aren’t gross as hell so we can go to that saloon so we can learn who you’re horny on main for. If he’s got a cowboy hat on, I am personally killing you with my bare fingers.”**

**“Oh fuck! Dibs on the shower!”** Micheal raced inside, and Optimus began screaming again as soon as the door flew open. Amber followed in, blocking the cat from escaping and closing the door on their way. 

**“Yeah you are! So very stinky. Cleanse thyself, thot patrol,”** Amber said as they moved to feed Optimus. The shower turned on, and Amber could hear Micheal shriek, **“Fuck! Cold! Shit!”** as they began to dig up a can of food to feed Optimus from the boxes left.

**“Myooo.. Myeh. Myeeeeeef.”** Optimus loudly informed Amber of his opinion on having to stay inside while they got to be outside, but tucked into his nasty food regardless.   

**“Sorry but you’re staying in for now!”** Micheal re-appeared despite having started a shower barely five minutes ago, wet hair dripping on his freshly changed outfit, **“Until I know what danger you can be at least, or what danger you could be. I’m not fucking up any natural oder by letting your fat kitty butt hunt birds.”**

    Optimus returned to loudly giving his opinion to Micheal as Micheal dried his hair, and Amber left to take their own shower. Several minutes later they returned,  dressed in fresh clothes as well.

**“Let’s hit the town, my farmer friend!”** Micheal was already at the door, scooting Optimus away.   

**“He’s so fucking mad, Micheal,”** Amber stepped over the cat and followed him outside, waving to the cat in the window.

**“He’s always fucking mad. Kirby’s fucking pissed, and Optimus is furry Kirby.”** Micheal replied.

   **“Isn’t Kirby already kind of furry?”**

**“…I don’t.. know?”**

**“Is he fleshy?”**

**“Hm. I don’t want to know.”**

**“Yeah, let’s just go to the saloon.”**

**“Amber, I can’t stop fucking thinking about Kirby feeling like a dodgeball now.”**

**“Oh look, there’s the saloon! I’m ignoring you now.”** Amber pulled the door open and hurried in, desperate to avoid any more thoughts about Kirby.


	6. egg festival.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> farmer micheal and farmer amber experience their first festival in stardew valley, and it goes eggsactly as you'd eggspect. eggs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm taylor and this is gay farmer sim.

**“amber, look we got mail!”** micheal pulled the mailbox open, wincing at the screeching noise that followed. rubbing his ear, he pulled the letter out and read the sender aloud.

    **“mayor lewis, mayor’s manor, pelican town. did he really need to mail us something? it probably took longer to get here than if he just told us in person,”** micheal mused to himself as he walked the letter over to the small porch where amber sat, petting a sun-bathing optimus.

**“so, what’s it say?”**

    **“to farmers amber and micheal; tomorrow we are holding an egg festival in the town square! arrive between nine am and two pm if you wish to attend. you wouldn’t want to miss the egg hunt!”** micheal read the letter, squinting at the date on the letter. **“this was sent.. yesterday. which means today’s the festival- what kind of mail system is this!”**

    amber let micheal grumble to himself for a few moments before jabbing him in the side. **“so, whatever. fuck the postal system, but let’s go anyway! egg time,”** amber shooed optimus inside and closed the door on the loudly protesting cat. **“so, are we going to go? we’ve finished watering the plants for the morning, and it’s nearly nine, probably will be by the time we get there.”**

    micheal patted his pockets and vanished back inside the house, amber scooping up optimus as the cat attempted to escape. patiently, they waited for the other farmer to appear, and after a few moments he did. amber shut the cat inside again, and micheal handed them their wallet.

**“in case they’re selling things!”**

**“micheal, you do not need more things.”**

**“micheal does need more things!”** he corrected as he followed them out of the farm and down the short path to the town. already they could hear music playing and as they entered the town, pierre greeted them from his stand.

**“micheal, amber! great to see you both!”** he waved at them, and micheal’s eyes lit up.

**“pierre, please tell me that giant pink rabbit is up for fucking grabs,”** pierre tutted at micheal’s language, and amber groaned, knowing where micheal was going.

**“it is up for sale! it’s two-hundred dol-”**

**“it’s not for sale anymore!”** micheal crowed, slapping down a pair of bills. pierre looked as if he couldn’t decide if he was delighted at the sale, or startled that it was going to a grown man. as micheal hefted the rabbit onto his shoulders like an oversized child, amber wandered towards two tables covered with food.

**“i’ll be right back!”** micheal shouted, heading back toward the farm, a pink rabbit his size flopping around as he ran back down the path. amber waved and shook their head, turning back to the food. as they inspected the food closer, they realized nearly every food on the table was egg-based, apart from the punch and a few plates of fruits and desserts. picking up a small plate, amber picked out a few things. nearby, a few of the townsfolk stood chatting. a disheveled looking man in a blue hoodie was talking to a chubbier mustached man that amber recognized as the bartender, the two talking about egg recipes.

**“that’s him!”**

    amber startled at the sudden voice, nearly dropping their plate of mostly fruit and cookies. micheal stood next to them, face slightly flushed. pretending as if he was pointing at something on the table, micheal gestured at the blue-hoodied man, and amber gave him a look.

**“you’re gay for the drunk hobo looking guy. and i thought cowboys were as low as you could go,”** amber replied, picking up a few cut-eggs with some red sprinkled over and giving them a suspicious look.

**“those are deviled eggs! fresh from shane here’s chickens!”** gus called over, causing shane to look over as well. micheal immediately jammed a deviled egg in his mouth, giving the pair a thumbs up. shane just stared in response and slowly turned back to the conversation with gus, and amber patted the other farmer on the back in a sympathetic gesture.

micheal grabbed his own plate, and took a few moments picking food out as well, the pair shuffling away from the table to stand and eat and attempt to mingle. luckily for both of them, they didn’t need to make the effort themselves as a woman approached with a young boy and a second young man behind her. 

**“hi there! i’m jodi, and these are my boys, vincent and sam.”**

vincent waved cheerily while sam sneezed, muttering, **“ uhb.. my doze..”** to which micheal gave a sympathetic look to.

 **“i’m micheal, and this is amber! me and them just moved into the old farmhouse, their grandpa used to own it.”** micheal replied with his own introduction and introduced amber as well.

 **“does that mean you two are dating?”** vincent piped up, a curious look on his face, **“‘cause you live together?”**

amber winced at the question- they had been wondering when it would come up. jodi looked panicked, and sam looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else. micheal crouched down to vincents height and offered the kid a cookie, not looking overly bothered.

 **“nah, just roomies. i like cowboys way too much to date a rock,”** micheal replied, and sam covered up a laugh with a sneeze, clearly getting what micheal really meant. vincent didn’t look as if he did, but he accepted the explanation nonetheless.

 **“mom, can i go play with jas? we’re planning out egg hunt route, we want to beat abigail this year!”** vincent asked, not interested in the small talk he knew was following. his mom waved him off and he ran over to another young girl shyly hiding behind an older woman.

 **“so!”** micheal straightened up, **“egg hunt, huh? i haven’t done one of these in years! i mean, i’ve never actually hunted eggs, we used to hide painted pennies, but never actual eggs. is it for everyone?”** jodi seemed amused at how micheal was trying to act as if he wasn’t really eager to be able to participate, and amber had to admit, they had a small competitive streak as well.

 **“of course! anyone can join in, unless you’ve hidden the eggs. but i think you’re all set in that case. just let mayor lewis know you want to join in, and he’ll tell you when it’s ready,”** jodi replied, **“but i have to convince my oldest to take some allergy medicine before he ends up with a bloody nose. good luck!”**

the pair of farmers waved at jodi as she walked away towards sam who greeted her with a series of sneezes. **“so, want to hunt eggs with me? like in spyro..”** micheal asked, cackling as amber punched him in the shoulder.

 **“everything you say is cursed or video game references. my co-existence with you is suffering,”** amber replied, though their tone was light-hearted. micheal followed them over to the egg hunt table, and they both scribbled their names down on the participants sheet, where harvey cheerfully informed them that the egg hunt would start around two.

 **“we got about a half-hour to chill in that case. small talk?”** micheal said, snagging another egg-shaped cookie from the table. amber made a face, and micheal agreed through a mouthful of cookie. the pair went around, chatting with the various town members until finally mayor lewis rang a bell to gather them all.

**“alright, alright, let’s get on with the main event- the egg hunt! we’ve got abigail, micheal, jas, micheal, vincent, and maru! now, there are a bunch of eggs hidden, whoever finds the most wins the prize! you’ve got ten minutes or until all the eggs are found! now, go!”**

as soon as he said go, jas and vincent dashed off together, loudly claiming to be the winners this year, while maru wandered off towards the bushes. abigail had already found an egg hidden by a bush near the food tables, and with a mischevious grin, micheal dashed off as well. taking their basket, amber started to head down the sidewalk towards the mayors house, picking up a few eggs on their way. from further down the walkway, amber heard micheal shout that he had found another, and then vincent shout that he had found two more.

amber circled around the small memorial graves near the mayors house, spotting an egg near the bushes, and reached in to grab it. to their surprise, their hand collided with another, and amber peered around the bush to find an equally surprised abigail.

 **“o-oh! i wasn’t expecting anyone to go for these ones, the two kids are usually too intimidated by the graves to come anywhere near, so they’re easy picking for me,”** abigail laughed, and amber felt their face flush at the sound.

 **“y-yeah, i don’t really know them or anything, so it’s not like, that weird to be around them, y-you know?”** amber said, stumbling over their words a little. **“i just think they’re kinda neat and spooky,** ” abigail replied.

amber started to say something in response, but was nearly knocked over instead, saved only by abigail grabbing their arm.

 **“yoink! i’ve nearly grabbed them all, better hurry up unless you’re willing for me to be the egg man!”** micheal snagged the egg, ducking under the stick that amber tossed at him. abigail snorted, “ **he’s a handful, huh?”**

 **“yeah, it’s like being roommates with the worlds shortest attention span,”** amber muttered, getting up and dusting their pants off. abigail did similarly, and was about to say something before a bell rang through the square, and she squinted at where it had come from.

 **“well, either that’s all the eggs or ten minutes is up, but let’s see who won, huh?”** abigail swung her basket up and headed off towards where the other three had already gathered, amber following with a faint flush still on their face.

 **“and with ten eggs, the winner is one of the newcomers, farmer micheal! congratulations- here’s your prize!”** mayor lewis handed him a large straw hat, micheals eyes widening at the sight of it. he held it out to the side and gave an overdramatic bow, making vincent and jas giggle. still somewhat peeved at how micheal had ruined the moment between them and abigail, amber sneakily put two eggs in the hat, covering their mouth to hide their laughter when abigail donated an egg into the hat with a snicker.

with perfect timing, micheal swept the hat onto his head, and a wet crunch was heard as the still raw eggs broke under the force. the egg yolk dripped down his face, and for a few seconds the town square was silent before micheal turned to amber and pointed.

**“you.”**

amber couldn’t help but laugh as they turned and sprinted out of the town and onto the path back to the farm, micheal chasing after them while wildly laughing. a glance back showed abigail clutching her stomach laughing, and amber grinned, even as micheal caught up with them and smeared the egg yolk on their shirt.

“y **ou fucking killed spyro’s children amber, how could you,”** micheal wheezed, out of breath from laughing and running at the same time. amber snorted and shoved him away, still snickering.

 **“alright, i’m going to go take a shower since i have been egged like a math teachers house on halloween,”** micheal started up the stairs to the house, flicking egg as he went, and tossing his newly acquired hat down to amber as they neared the steps, **“you wash that, you fucker.”**

**“egg boy.”**

**“fuck you! i’m eating your leftovers.”**

**“bastard egg boy.”**

**“fair.”**


End file.
